The headline, “Boys Get Organized Later In Life,” caught my attention on a friend’s social media page.
The article by psychologist and author Michael Thompson continued, “It will eventually happen. Boys don’t usually get organized in primary or secondary school, sometimes not even until college.”
That message was reassuring to read. Although it was geared toward providing 12 suggestions for teaching boys, I found it helpful when it comes to my own kids. The suggestions ranged from addressing challenges with homework, using competition incentives to motivate and incorporating movement into learning to maximizing non-verbal instructions, using humor and not comparing boys unfavorably to girls.
A particular point that resonated with me dealt with competition, which Thompson says, “encourages incentives to motivate. Ask, ‘what are you willing to work for?’ Make the stakes meaningful — don’t threaten: ‘You are going to be a failure.’ If you constantly threaten it will become a war to win over the teacher. Boys are wired for dominance behavior. They are competitive and often silently lead with some form of competitive spirit.”
Again, although this is geared toward teachers, it’s germane to parenting as well I think.
The different personalities of our boys were on full display last weekend when it came to decorating the Christmas tree.
Pam and Carson set the tree up a couple weekends while Beckett and I were away at a soccer tournament. Despite Carson’s incessant reminding, Pam wanted to wait for all of us to be home to hang the ornaments on the tree.
I was glad to be a part of it, but it turns out Beckett would have been fine being left out of it altogether. Carson wants to help and be involved in all aspects of family life, such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes and taking out the garbage.
Beckett will help if he absolutely has to but there’s tons of other things he would rather be doing typically.
This was the case when it came time to decorate the tree. Carson was front and center and involved. He hung about 20 ornaments before Beckett was even willing to come into the room from another area of the house.
When we insisted Carson hold off and Beckett join in, the best we could get out of our older son was to hang about 10 ornaments, which he had made at some point in his life or included a photo of him at varying ages. Of those 10, a couple fell to the floor because he was being careless and trying to stand on one foot on a nearby chair.
It’s astounding to me what will keep his interest and what will not. Give him a ball of any sort and he can be content and even obsessive for long periods of time about mastering tricks and inventing new ones. However, ask him to help out with a puzzle or hanging Christmas lights outside, he’s good for about five minutes max. Beyond that, he usually is so bothersome with questions and whining that we send him on his way because it’s not productive.
On the flip side is Carson. He gets a huge kick out of being involved in anything and the Christmas tree is just one example. He spent an hour diligently placing ornaments on the tree with us and was adamant about them being placed where he wanted them to be.
That resulted in about 50 ornaments being bunched together near the bottom of the tree. In some cases, he hung five ornaments on the same limb, resulting in it hanging so low it touched the floor.
I just let him have his fun because I knew it ultimately would not matter one bit where the ornaments were placed. Pam would eventually not be able to contain herself, coming in behind us to place them where they should be in her mind.
I imagine that happens in a lot of households.
Along the way last weekend and this week, Beckett became confused by all the titles given to the days of the week.
He had heard commercials about Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday during football games on Thanksgiving. When he asked me what each of them meant, I explained them to him. His reaction was the same I have been having for years.
After being enticed by deals to spend money on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, he wondered if it wouldn’t make better sense for Giving Tuesday to be first since the “poor people need help so bad.” He wondered, “people probably don’t have any money left after all those deals by the time the poor people need it.”
While he certainly simplified the intent and meaning of Giving Tuesday a lot, his rationale made sense. The amount of exposure given to these events has reached crazy proportions and I agree with his premise that Giving Tuesday is terribly timed on the calendar front.
